she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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