Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
