he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
