I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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