i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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