I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
