pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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