I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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