She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
