My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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