I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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