So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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