I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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