Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
