super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
