i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Good news!! I can adult!! ๐ turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ๐ญ๐
He expects a blow job at the movies but wonโt pay for popcorn? Does he know itโs not 2017 anymore
Randomize