is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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