I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
