I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
