a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Your tits are I can't wait for
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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