It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
