I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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