would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
