My room smells like vodka and shame
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
