areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
