She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
