I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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