WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
