Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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