There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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