After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize