oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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