I showed him my bush... on skype.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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