did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
