i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
