Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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