ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
