The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
