May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
