I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
