remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize