it wasn't lemon gatorade
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
