so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize