His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
