He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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