I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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