A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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