Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize