my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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