I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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