I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
