I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
