Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
