I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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