I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
