This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
