So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
