Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
