after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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