I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
