Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
