Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
