By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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