Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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