I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
