Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
