took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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