I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Please, let me fuck your mom
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
