Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
