I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
