Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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