My brain says no but my pants say off.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
