Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
