Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
