I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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