And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
