there's paper in my vomit.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
