Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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