my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
