I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
