I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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